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And they said what?

         Excerpts
The following are just a few of the more stick out lines or bits that we found amusing or note worthy. I hope they give you a chuckle, make you want to re read something or possibly read for the first time.


Danyiel came to stand next to Jonathan and watch what he was doing with the kettle and he looked up, searching the man’s face before he spoke again. ‘Of course we could. I have the necessary parts and they work. Well, sorry, I assume that they work. I haven’t really tried them out,’ he blushed. ‘I don’t know how.’

Jonathan shook his head. Nothing was making any sense. ‘You do? Everyone? No pickle then. Don’t spit food out like that,’ he added automatically. He pointed to the back door. ‘The salad is out there.’ He watched as Danyiel headed for the door. That was a very beautiful man. If he could find a man that looked like that, he would abandon celibacy without a qualm. ‘You are very shallow,’ he reprimanded himself.


‘If you ever do anything that foolish again, this is going to seem like a walk in the park, believe me.’ (Jonathan to |Danyiel)


He soaped a bit more and felt a tingling in the pit of his stomach. He snorted and rinsed before padding naked to Jonathan’s bathroom and opening the door. He could hear the water still running and pulled back the curtain. ‘Explain this please,’ he pointed down.


‘You’re an angel?’ Okay, there was definitely a special place reserved for him in Hell. And then Jonathan realised that he had believed Danyiel. Surely there should have been some doubt? Apparently not. In fact, it made sense, in a bizarre way. Angels would probably not know how to make toast.


Travis swallowed.  Now he understood.  Well, not completely, there was still the loopy blonde to contend with. 


Jonathan sighed heavily.  He didn’t waste time trying to work out why Danyiel was at Callum’s house, there would be time for that once he had rescued whoever it was he was rescuing; either Callum or Danyiel, he wasn’t too sure.


Jonathan suppressed a laugh that threatened to bubble up in spite of the seriousness of the situation.  Sometimes Danyiel made it very obvious that he was not from the same planet as the rest of them. 

(Danyeil on post delivery)
 'It was all a mistake and now that I know it will happen and that you approve of Royal Mail’s practice I will not step in the way again. I only wished to keep you safe.'

'So when all is said and done it is really your fault.’ Danyiel was pleased with himself. He had finally reasoned out one human thing on his own, there was progress.

Jonathan frowned as he worked through Danyiel’s convoluted logic.  ‘It’s my fault?’  He had never thought of himself as having the patience of a saint, but he was beginning to wonder if beatification was in his future. 


‘If Tom ever,’ Shappa began and then took a closer look. ‘I will kill him,’ he said quietly and Jesse melted into the pub.

‘I will kill him,’ muttered Adam, not realizing he was repeating Shappa’s very words from several moments earlier.  Of course, in such situations, there are very few expressions a Top can call on, so it was not so much of a coincidence. 

Adam hugged his brat tightly.  ‘Yep, you look ready.  How about you tell me what the two of you were doing, and don’t you dare say “racing, of course” or I might be tempted to remember all those things you muttered when you were stomping up the stairs.’

Shappa patted his lap.

‘Yes, sir,’ Tom said. He stood up and looked at Shappa’s lap. ‘Why do you do that? I’ve asked around. 

You all do it. Why is that?’

Shappa was confused and he blinked, then he grinned. ‘We don’t want you to forget where to go.’ He patted again.

                  
    (Jack on why you should not put off a spanking)
…Not a good idea,’ Jack said. ‘They dwell. On occasion, they take off for oh, say Cumbria.’

‘I AM NOT PLAYING’ Jack scowled. He was going to kill Ethan. Catch him and kill him.

‘I’ll stop when I’m ready, not when you think it’s starting to sting a little.’
(Jack to Ethan)

Jeff glared at the bathroom door. ‘If you make me take this door off its hinges you’re so going to regret it, Ethan.’


Andy looked at Chris. ‘That doesn’t sound like room service. Did we order room service?’
Chris shook his head, ‘Don’t open that. It could be a deranged axe murderer on the other side. Jack would not be pleased if I came home dead.’

Chris ran over and sighed when he was engulfed in the arms of the man he so dearly loved. ‘I kissed Andy,’ he blurted out.
‘Did you like it?’ Jack laughed. ‘I spanked Ethan. Is that the end of our confessions?’


Adam walked out into the café, wiping his hands on his apron. ‘Morning, Liam. What can we do for you this morning?’
‘Adam, have you seen Caleb? I seem to have misplaced him recently.’ Liam said.
Adam stared at Liam for several moments then slapped himself on the forehead. ‘Doh, I knew something was missing.’


‘No, Charlie. I’ll take your word for it for now.’ Aled said. He was never sure which waggle that was and one was not on his top ten things to do list. ‘Oh, sure, blame it on the brat.’

Jack snorted and went to man the door. Just as he got there, there was a loud banging on the door. He opened the door and looked. ‘I’m almost positive I don’t owe you the rent.’

Damon raised an eyebrow. ‘I was worried you might not hear. You being old and deaf. Where’s the party?’

‘The party is about to start. Now that you’re here.’ Jack smiled. ‘You know this is a BYOB party?’

‘Oh he’s here; he’s just…Nicky where the hell are you?’

‘Right the hell here,’ Nicky said and smiled sweetly at Damon.


Adam relented. ‘Apologise to Jack. And so help me if you even so much as think about uttering that particular sentence again, I will make good on my promise.’

Caleb didn’t move from where he was. You could never be sure with the beasts; they could turn in a second. ‘Sorry, Jack.’ he said.  Then he blinked, oh great, now he had that sentence going through his head in large, bold print.

(Jack on the use of an over the lap cane)
‘Oh, it hurt like hell. Ha. It was Ethan’s. He suggested it. Foolishly. I used it. I won’t be using it again. Michael might, Trevor can still be quite the little devil. Pun intended.’ Jack looked at the sandwich. ‘Apparently it has affected my ability to converse in complete sentences.’


Adam put the paddle down and lifted Chloe up. He held her on his lap and hugged her. ‘All done.’

Chloe nodded and sniffled into his shirt. She knew it could have been a lot worse but he did all right for a first spanking. ‘Good job, Adam.’ She said and wiped her nose on his sleeve.

‘Thank you, Chloe.’ Adam smiled.


(Adam when he discovered Caleb sawing his "toys" into tiny pieces)
‘Are you lying to me young man?’

‘Maybe.’

‘Clean that mess up and come inside please.’ Adam said calmly.

‘Yes, Sir.’ Caleb said and sighed. Some days it was much smarter to tie your Top up before you played with his toys.

(Adam and Kevin during a camping trip)
Adam blinked. ‘That’s…a lot of toasters. Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t toasters suppose to toast the bread, pop it up and then turn themselves off?’

‘That was my theory too until I met and got involved with the toaster killing king. He has single handedly kept several companies in business over the years. They should employ him as a tester. If they passed the Alex test they would be much safer. Unfortunately he refuses to leave the library.’ Kevin grinned.

‘So would you say after all these years you and Alex have got everything figured out?’ Adam asked his tone serious.

‘Nope. People change, Adam. One day he might need me to step back and let him run with whatever he’s got going and the next he might need me to hold his hand every step of the way. Brats don’t react or think the way we do. They certainly don’t think the way vanilla people do and they can sometimes wander into the realm of kinky stuff or be affronted at us being Tops. All you can do is what I’ve been doing the last ten years. Get up in the morning and plan on loving him through the day. Anything else is just going to get in the way.’


(Caleb and Alex on the same camping trip)
Caleb laughed. ‘Sounds about right. So was it all you expected it to be? Did he immediately see that you were the love of his life and fall at your feet?’

‘Hardly. He shagged my brains out and dropped me like a hot potato.’


(Alex and Kevin)
Alex’s eyes grew really wide. ‘Kevinnnn,’ he whined. ‘It wasn’t my fault, it was the toaster.’

‘I’ll spank it too,’ Kevin said waving the paddle menacingly.


(Kevin and Alex again)
‘Fine,’ Kevin said and stalked over to the kitchen window and opened it. He picked the toaster up and gently tossed it in the air and batted it outside with the paddle. ‘Your turn.’

Alex blinked and then looked out of the window. ‘You can’t do that. I’ll break.’



(Dylan to Ian about Damon's choice of career and moving to Nether Kipping)
‘Damon too? What is this place? A breeding ground for old soldiers?’ Dylan mussed then looked at Ian. ‘An Accountant? Damon’s an accountant? I didn’t know he could count past three.’

Ian snorted, ‘That’s what I said. But there isn’t any breeding going on. It’s a home for old gay soldiers.’

‘Well, well, whoda thunk?’ Dylan got up and grabbed plates. ‘I better let Michael know he needs to shake a leg then. It’s our destiny.’ Dylan made Darth Vadar breathing type noises.

‘Don’t do that, you know it gives me goosebumbs.’


(Damon to Ethan)
‘What did you do to upset my formerly ordered existence?’ Damon asked. He sounded a little snappish.


‘Oh, no. But Callum can be...intransigent.’ Travis said.

‘Well nip that in the bud. You don’t want a cross dresser in the family,’ Nicky said. ‘I have nothing against trannies, but he’s much too old now, the masculine features have set in stone.’


Damon tried not to smile. ‘That’s a lot of...we have a wedding planner?’

‘No. I have a wedding planner, you have nothing.’


‘Is that RSM Jones who just walked into the cafe?’ Edward whispered.

‘Uh huh.’ Aled said as he kept an eye on said RSM.

‘Why?’ Edward whined plaintively.

‘I don’t know,’ Aled whispered. ‘Help me.’

‘Just walk towards the door,’ Edward said hopefully.


‘Your head will fall off if you keep that up.’ Adam drove the short distance to the vicarage. ‘Upstairs, get ready for bed.

‘Oh thank God,’ Caleb said and ran up the stairs. He was undressed and in bed sound asleep within five minutes.

Adam walked upstairs and looked at his brat. He sighed biting back a smile. ‘I wish I could do that.’


Ethan sat and looked at Jack. He blinked and got a little pale by all accounts. ‘Did I not tell you?’

Jack looked at Ethan, speechless for several moments. ‘Did you not...no you bloody well didn’t. I would have remembered. I have a great memory. Especially for things of note. Like bloody Regimental Sergeant Majors moving into the village.’


‘What’s the alternative?’ Chris asked.

Jack laughed. ‘Curiosity will be your downfall, boyo. I can always beat you some more.’
‘Oh, that alternative. I don’t think I like that one. Can I have another one, please?’


(Paul having one of "those" conversations)
‘Then I will have to teach you not to be rude. Why are you here, cadet?’

‘You brought me?’ Gideon said.


Andy looked at Jack, then at Chris then back at Jack. No, that wasn’t helpful. Best to keep quiet. At least until he knew what the party line was going to be. He had no particular qualms about lying, especially when it came to self preservation.

Jack glared at Chris. He knew the younger man was lying, and he was pretty sure that Chris knew that Jack knew that Chris was…bloody hell, that was convoluted. He glared at Andy as it was probably his turn.


‘Chris what exactly are you resigning from? Jude, this is due to a conglomeration of events, not just the bonfire. I can’t issue clean slates. I don’t have any clean slates. And don’t you start trying to use your genius mumbo jumbo on me kiddo, it won’t work. In fact, the trigger for all of this was Kevin being called out to each and every one of you in a one week period.’ Jack explained.

Everyone glared at Alex.


(Jack imparting wisdom to his brother)
…’Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. The world strives for balance. And an unattached brat is a dangerous thing.’ Jack grinned.  He had no idea.


Ethan looked at Damon and sighed, ‘He went easy on you because you were his C.O.’

Damon just looked at Ethan.


Charlie and Aled when Aled was getting his exam for the fire station)
‘Hmm. There’s some inflammation here. And a little tenderness,’ Charlie added as Aled winced. ‘Are you sexually active?’

Aled placed both hands on the carpet and looked at Charlie between his legs. ‘I won’t be if you keep this up.’


Ethan grinned, ‘We got a kitten. Now we can honestly say we let a little pussy come between us at night.’


Chris to Jack….’There are forces at work here, evil forces that refuse to grant you control of the world. But one day my love, I swear you will be dictator of it all and the world will bend to your every whim.’


Danyiel handed Jonathan a plate and frowned at Trevor, ‘He is gloating and he has nothing to gloat over. Make him stop.’


‘I’ve eaten, thank you and if I wanted to eat a relative I would prefer one of yours.’ Trevor sat down and pushed his plate away.

‘I have a great aunt you could probably have, although she’s probably a bit too chewy.’


‘I was just thinking that was entirely the wrong kind of cock tail,’ Adam said, sniggering in spite of his discomfort.


Andy eased the silver bullet into Ethan’s anus. ‘Now just…Oops.’ Andy’s eyes widened.

Ethan didn’t bat an eye. ‘You let go, didn’t you?’ he asked calmly.


‘The rimming salt I got. I showed you.’ Alex said.  ‘Didn’t I?’

Kevin stood up and turned around, ‘Rimming salt? Like for drinks?’


‘Babysitter. Great. Of all the people in the world to end up in a relationship with I had to pick my babysitter.’ Chris was muttering to himself.


Edward sighed heavily, ‘Okay, now this is really not looking good.’ He crossed his fingers and closed his eyes tightly. Then he opened one and gave the two remaining Tops a baleful glare. ‘So who do I get then?’

‘You want the good news or the bad news first?’ Ethan asked.

‘Good news? There’s good news? I’ll take that then.’

‘You get to cause as much trouble as you want,’ Ethan said.

Edward grinned. ‘So the bad news would be?’

‘I will spank you.’

Edward shuddered. ‘That is wrong on so many levels.’


Jack mumbled as he headed for the whisky. He poured an inch in a glass and downed it. ‘I’m going to kill him. And bury him under the patio. And build a patio and bury him under it.’


Edward smiled. ‘I’m a brat Ethan, I can handle being spanked. The question is whether you can handle spanking me.’

Ethan looked at Edward and then got up and opened the wardrobe. ‘I can do that,’ he said as he took the paddle off the shelf and the cane off its hook.

Edward swallowed. ‘Or maybe not.’

(Damon, trying to reason with Nicky)
‘It is his wedding, you know, darling. You do have to let them at least think they have a say in things.’

Nicky looked at Damon, ‘Now that’s just silly. Go to work.’

‘Yes, dear.’

(Julian trying to make sense of things when he found out Gavin and Darius used to be a thing)
Julian looked from Damon to Darius to Gavin. ‘What?’

Nicky took him aside. ‘It’s the village. We like to recycle and keep it all in the family.Don’t fret pumpkin, I got Damon used too.’


Gideon had been cutting into his steak and he stopped and looked at Paul. ‘I don’t…I mean I didn’t…I don’t think I did anything. Can I have a hint?’


Paul folded his arms, ‘Now you’re being cheeky. For that I should make you go to B&Q.’


‘That,’ Noah pointed at the screen, ‘is theatre in a box.’

Kye looked out he window and then he opened the door, ‘This is home, Master. I will live here. Go fetch our things. I will wait.’


(Nicky on the first time Damon was going to spank him.)
‘Don’t do that with your eyebrow, it’ll stick.’ Nicky crossed his arms, ‘No, you did not but I did and I do. I don’t mind playing sometimes but I think you are taking this way too serious. Maybe you should eat. It’s your blood sugar levels doing down the tubes isn’t it?’


(Nicky explaining to Paul about gay Cancer boys)
‘Listen closely Uncle dearest. I am a Cancer, we are nurturing people by nature, home, family, food? I am also gay. Very gay and very gay boys are nurturing by nature too. Very Nurturing. Now, if Day Day  wants to water me that’s fine. I can agree to that but if he ever lays a hand on my tushy again in a non-friendly manner I will not be a happy, nuturing gay Cancer boy. Seriously what?’ Nicky blinked.


Damon frowned. ‘Your attitude needs work.’ He sat on the bed,  ‘Come here and I’ll help you with it.’


‘Be my guest,’ Gareth pointed in the direction of the deli. ‘You envisioned meeting my mother? I don’t know if that’s cute or a little creepy.’


Ethan looked at Andy and smiled. ‘So you gonna wish me luck or not. Stop pretending to be asleep or I’ll 
get the vibrator out, handcuff you to the headboard and leave you hanging on the brink.’

‘That’s a terrible thing to threaten. Don’t tell Declan, it will give him ideas.’ Andy grinned. ‘Good luck. What am I wishing you good luck for?’

‘I am being covert, see this face, icky paint? Camo clothes? Big boots.’ He held up a foot. ‘Oh and these, high powered night binoculars. Bitchin.’

‘Is this a solo mission, or are you going out to play with your little friends?’ Andy opened his eyes. ‘Bitchin’, definitely.’ He agreed.

‘I am all alone. I stole ‘em from Jack.’ Ethan grinned.


‘Go be covert. You can wake me up with your cold feet when you get home.’ Andy snuggled down into the covers.

(Damon to the coffee maker)
‘Right then you and me are going to have to come to an understanding. I press your buttons you make me coffee.  You do not spit, hiss or flash red lights at me.’

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